


take a snapshot

by candydust



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Panic Attack, i have a lot of yams feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 05:57:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6788680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candydust/pseuds/candydust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's always a step behind. </p><p>A snapshot-style of Tsukki and Yams through the years. (Self indulgent fluffles basically.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	take a snapshot

Tadashi wakes up next to Kei, cuddled close to the other in an attempt to combat the winter cold. It's below freezing and their apartment doesn't really have reliable heating, so they share beds and hold hands and cuddle almost constantly. 

He won't lie. Tadashi likes having an excuse to burrow into Kei's old Karasuno hoodies, and he likes having an excuse to steal more kisses at night, and he likes watching movies on his old laptop, both of them wrapped in that awful tartan blanket that Hinata bought them last Christmas as a joke. Even this morning he can wrap his arms around Kei's waist, pulling himself closer and tucking his head in the crook of Kei's arm.

"You're warm," Kei mumbles against his forehead. 

(He's always half-delirious before his first mug of coffee.) "I got the warmth from you," Tadashi tells him.

"You're warm, Tadashi... I want to stay here forever," Kei continues. Tadashi knows Kei won't remember this when he has coffee and breakfast, but in the mornings he gets to see Kei stripped down to his heart and bones, bereft of his mask of indifference. (And his glasses. He looks really cute.)

"So do I," Tadashi sighs, and lifts his head up for a kiss. 

 

Sometimes he's so scared of being left behind his head hurts and he has to go to the bathroom to breathe, fast and shallow, head between his knees. 

Tsukki is getting better. They're all wonderful, they're all  _starters,_ they're all finding their place in the team. Tadashi can't even manage one measly serve without freaking out. He looks up every time they practice and thinks he sees Ukai's face thunder with disappointment, he  _knows_ he does, even though the coach cleans his face when he catches Tadashi looking. 

He's useless. They'll all get better and he won't, and he'll be left behind in the dust of their retreating backs.

The weeks just past have been terrifying. He's seen Tsukki improve, seen Hinata improve, seen Kageyama improve. They're all evolving.  _He's not._

Tadashi leans against the wall of the gym, not ready to enter just yet. His head is spinning still with the terrifying knowledge that if he doesn't do better get faster get quicker get  _better be better come on be_

He'll be the only one. 

The only one at square one. 

And they'll all - 

He imagines Coach Ukai telling him  _I'm sorry, Yamaguchi, we just can't have someone on our team that can't improve_ and he can't breathe - 

He can't breathe properly, for some reason, and it's been happening a lot recently. His head spins. His throat constricts. He stares at his hands, hands that  _can't handle a damn volleyball,_ and tries to see straight through the water gathering at the corners of his eyes. It'll be like middle school was. It'll be like everything was. He'll run after people, chirping their names, and they'll do better in class and in volleyball and they'll push him aside and they won't -

Even Tsukki - 

He probably doesn't even  _like_ Tadashi - 

Who _would_ - 

"Yamaguchi, come on, breathe."

He's dimly aware of an arm around his shoulders, but he's staring at the droplets staining the concrete, rain, but the sky is clear, and it's  _Tsukki,_ who hates emotions, who hates comforting people, and he wants to run but he can't because his legs don't seem to want to move - 

"Breathe. It's okay, it's - right, one and two and three and then c'mon-" Tsukki sounds hassled, hurried, stressed, and Tadashi hates knowing that he caused it but he can't seem to do anything, just try to follow Tsukki's hand on his shoulder moving up and down. 

 _"Tadashi,_ please-"

Tadashi buries his face in Tsukki's chest and sobs. 

 

Training camp is fun. Of course it is. But every time Tadashi looks around for Tsukki he's over talking to Kuroo and Bokuto, the two captains. And he really doesn't want to be a burden - a nagging friend - so he just watches from the side. On his own. Hinata and Kageyama are practising and yelling, of course, and nobody else wants to hang out with a freckle-faced fail of a pinch server. 

"You need to tell him how you feel."

Tadashi almost leaps out of his skin. The setter from Nekoma is beside him all of a sudden, and he yelps in surprise. Kenma (Kozuke Kenma, right?) just keeps playing his game, but he's here and he doesn't seem to want to retract his statement. 

"W-w-what?"

"How you feel. You need to tell him," Kenma repeats. He doesn't look up, but Tadashi feels the same intense concentration as he usually only gets from Tsukki. "Nothing will change unless he knows, and all that will happen is that you'll keep being unhappy."

"I don't - what are you.." Tadashi frowns. "I don't want to tie him down to me," he mumbles eventually, turning scarlet. 

"Friendship isn't an obligation."

"I-" Tadashi stops. He sits - Kenma sits, too - on the bench outside the gym watching Tsukki, Kuroo, and Bokuto block and spike and laugh with one another. (Well, the two captains do. Tsukki mostly just does that tiny smile of his.) 

Kenma keeps playing. "You're unhappy."

"But that's  _my_ problem. It shouldn't be his."

"He's hardly spoken to you all training camp. Shouldn't that be his problem too? This isn't about your friend having more friends. He hasn't talked to you almost at all."

"I don't want to hold him back," Tadashi says, almost too quiet to be heard. 

Kenma sighs. "Please talk to him."

 

"Pride! What more reason do I need than pride?!"

 

When Tadashi is made a starter in the beginning of his second year, Tsukki kisses him behind the gym for the first time, and he tells him the stars on his cheeks are the most beautiful things he's seen in his life. Tadashi stands on his tip-toes to reach Tsukki, the blonde going through another growth spurt, and almost knocks them both to the ground with the force of his kiss in return. 

"Call me Tadashi," he says shyly when they sit, later, in the park. 

Tsukki shifts a little to move Tadashi further into the crook of his arm. His right hand plays with Tadashi's hair. "Only if you call me Kei."

"Of course, Tsukki," Tadashi teases.

Kei smiles. The soft smile he only does for Tadashi, when they're alone. 

 

Hinata and Kageyama go pro the year after college, and come out the year after that. Tadashi gets the text the morning before Hinata tweets it to the world, and he shows it to Kei, who grunts. "Of course they're together. It was inevitable. We all knew after that party in second year when Hinata kept jumping on Bakageyama's back."

Tadashi giggles and sends a text of congratulations to Hinata and Kageyama, even though Hinata told him about two years ago, their last year of college, when the freak duo finally sorted out their messy relationship, made it simple. 

He rolls over and kisses Kei once more, and everything is perfect and peaceful, and the stars shine on his cheeks in the morning light.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr clearfullydearfully.tumblr.com to scream about sports anime with me
> 
> plz talk to me i am lonely
> 
> or just scream at me abt tiny yams bc tiNY YAMS


End file.
